I am still learning and my cup is always full empty:)

down:(

2010-03-28T00:37:00.000-07:00

Hello Blog..I am hyper upset right now..does it happen often with you that you dream something for yourself,and you see sumone less deserving getting through it?I have seen that happening almost all the time,all the possible time I must say.Its tough to stay positive always,at times I feel I shd stop dreaming!What's the use!I dread to dream nowadays,coz as soon as I dream I can see it shattering just a few hours after that.

I remember you....

2010-02-25T02:11:00.000-08:00

You Made me get over my laziness and write boy!!My conscience worked more than anything to activate my blog once again..and its all becoz of you..Mr.A..let that be the name I choose to use for you..You are a part of my memories..Till yesterday 5:30p.m. I didn't care to even wonder if you were dead or alive,but a phone call shocked me.You died 2yrs ago!

'A'..You Disturbed me so much until I left that school and shifted to another,pulling my hair,doing everything possible to let me down infront of teachers,that wicked grin you used to give if I used to cry over marks with my rebel..everything that gave me tears..gave you smile..a weird combination innit?

It was not till I was 14,old enuff to understand why you never cared abt menacing ppl around you,why you were the attention seeker of our class..you were lonely..you were sumone who hid behind his menaces his pain of not having his parents wid him,of seeing his mom rant n cry everytime she came to see you,to wait for food from your landlady..fuck u dammit! you could have told me once 'A'!!Dat was the same age when your hormones turned you into a boy..yes as you grew up..you matured..you were naughty,but still no more notorious..That was the age when I still didn't realize when a foe became a friend..n quietly did everything to help me out,dose sudden long stares from you....bewildered me.......I still dunno what made you change your attitude towards me..!

Nobody liked you Mr.A.chopra..But I did..More coz I was empathetic for your sufferings..N today If u were alive n I had met you..I wd have told you,how much I respected a strong person like you,how I cd later relate your cries wid mine..How much I missed you..when I really dunno..how..just how can we share a bonding unsaid but so strong in all these years when we din even see each oder,dan what we did wen we used to stare at each oder wid all dat hatred inside us..I am sure..sumday U will be back as my friend..Never a foe..May your soul rest in peace..

Note:This post is for my school friend,Chopra..thats what I used to call him.Yesterday I suddenly mentioned him to a frnd of mine,n she shocked me by telling that chopra died in a bike accident abt 2yrs back!all dese yrs..anytime that I remembered him,while talking abt my school,I nvr thought I shd ask abt him.I dunno why I was frantically searching him yesterday in orkut either!Now m choked..I am sorry..sorry for hurting your small li'l heart chopra..I was a Kid..n u were the same..But U were diff from the others..It got too late before I realized That I lost a precious friend in hiding..All I want to say you..If u r reading this..If u still remember me..I remember you..

Just to let you know..

2009-05-29T15:03:00.001-07:00

dis is just to name a few bloggers whose blogs i love to read..most of them hardly know me..but still i felt to write it down here..

Satans darling for memoirs->I love your honesty which shows in whatever you write..Its a part of me in your writings..:)>:D<

Ms.R for expressive silence->You are awesome man!You seemed to have seen so much and you take such good inspirations from all that life gave you..it gives me an extra courage on my way to thank life..:)

Annie for ice Maiden->I love your 'direct from the heart' posta..which are written instantly without being much thought of but yet so well expresssed..:)

Nabs-> for being mysteriously beautiful with her heart touching stories
..keep them coming..they reflect love as an individual in itself..

kajal->akka the pink orchid->seriously from your attractive writing skill to your humour(courtesy writers lounge)..Deres s much for me to learn and read..you rock!

princess mia(i found your blog viz Ms.R's blog)->You are some individual I would love to meet someday..thankfully i read almost all your posts before you renovated your blog and I must say i became a fan of yours instantly..:P

special note to Ms.R..keep on writing some stories and random regular stuffs other than poems for me..pleech pleech..ur poems are spectacular..but I personally love your stories and your thoughts..so its a request..i miss your stories a lott..as becoz jitne bhi tumne likhe hai i have read all:P..so i m asking for some more..hope i din offend you:D..

Love to all of you...

ps:its no oiling,buttering..or anything...I have wanted to tell dis indiviadually to all of you but never could do so..m a psycho..:|..so today since m all in a mood to write ,i thought i shd fulfil my wish to let you ppl know dat i love reading your blogs..keep writing..I never comment..coz I can't..Does'nt even matter if no single person reads dis coz all i wanted was to let my interest out..You are the ones who will always be appreciated..and my aprreciations will alws stay widin my heart..just keep writing..love ya all:)

Reverse Psychology..

2009-01-07T03:33:00.000-08:00

'Reverse Psychology is a persuasion technique involving the false advocay of a belief or behaviour contrary to the belief or behaviour which is actually being advocated'..

Dis post is being dedicated to a frnd who first told me abt this thing called 'reverse psychology'..

breaking it in simple terms..most of us or rather all of us go thru situations or persuasions which make us believe which we dont want to..and thus make us do things which we do without thinking or just out of impulse..
My last posts abt 'changes' is one such reaction of the reverse psychology widin myself..I did things which my frnds asked me to do..I believed wat dey made me think and reacted accordingly inspite of the fact that I din like myself reacting dat way..
being highly emotional there had been many such instances whr I have done which I din want to and later repented for changing myself..may be even now I m going thru the same phase..
I also undergo split personality problem..and I don't shy away frm confessing it anymore..its like I am dancing to a song while I listen to a song 5mins before I step out of my house..a bubbly..fun-loving grl it seems I am..and as soon as I step out..I am dis serious looking grl wid specs..murmuring gaalis at loafers who sing and comment at grls wen they pass thru roads(their dicks must be tied wid hanging bricks and den dey shd be made to sing infrnt of grls)..I like wen guys look at me..but again I fiercely stare back at dem coz I feel nobody 'except' my close frnds and most importantly my love have got any right to comment or even look at me!!

now how do u fucking explain dat!If ppl are not looking at me..I feel I am looking weird..and at the same time wen dey look at me I feel angry..I dunno what exactly I want! and most importantly I guess I know very well what exactly I want but I can't alws do what I want!

I love my parents..I do things at times just for their sake and tell myself "polo u did it for dem"..but wen I am alone and think back dose things..I feel like going n fighting wid dem coz I want to shout ..'I have grown up!I don't want even a single order or advise from you ppl for doing anything'..knowing and understanding dat watever they told me to do was for my own good:|..

CONFUSED??good..:D..